An Derridean aporia is (in simplest terms) a moment of clarity or indecision, it is the suspension of action to force the action you are choosing to justify itself. For the Moment of Decision is Madness and thus sparks unforeseen consequences and irrationalities in the moment of decision. The way around this is that moment of Aporia. Aporia is key to understanding meaning of words or concepts, "Aporia is the very locus in which the political force of deconstruction is to be found" (Beardsworth 1996). To develop new meanings or discover inner meanings of words and concepts like say love or meaning of life we must take moments of aporia to allow for that locus of force to occur.
"Thank God for grantin me this moment of clarity, This moment of honesty, The world'll feel my truths. Through my Hard Knock Life time, My Gift and The Curse, I gave you volume after volume of my work. So you can feel my truths" (Jay-z, Moment of Clarity, Black Album).
This is my moment of clarity and honesty - As i sit in the wake of knowing that two of the more powerful people in my life have passed away (my great grandfather Finis W. Smith [former senator and philanthropist who donated so much charity funds to Tulsa that at one point there were 7 different parks, schools, or buildings named after him. Until Frank Keating destroyed his reputation based on a grude ---btw - if frank keating or his relatives read this, my moment of aporia is deciding that your lives will be ten times worse than what he was able to do to my great-grandfather] and my great grandmother Holloway [possibly the sweetest lady ive ever met]) I begin to think about every aspect of life and why it is important or why it isnt. This is my moment of clarity and honesty, it will praise some things, it will make some happy, it will be another aspect of understanding for others, and it may offend some. These are all insecurities in life and they are inevitable - avoiding them doesnt make them go away and neither does doing things to make them go away, they must be embraced good and bad.
First insecurity - life and death - I've "learned" that no matter what you do good or bad in life, your death is inevitable. As is the death of others around you - mourning is a necessary component of that, but so is celebration. In true Irish wake style, not only will i remember the losses but i will celebrate them and celebrate that which i have. This is however, the skinniest of the issues. because life is just the process of dying in certain ways. The meaning of value and life is the determinant that will take more to flesh out.
Second Insecurity - Jouissance - the defintion, as explained to me is the essence of pure enjoyment (in simplest terms) - There are many things that bring me pure enjoyment. the first to discuss is debate - the competitive activity of discussing and arguing with others. Im tired of being frustrated with debate, and im tired of hearing others be frustrated with debate. debate is a game to enjoy that allows you to express yourself. Im tired of hearing people complain about the state of the activity (i.e. the edebate wars on diversity, framework, or ethos.) This is the greatest activity on the planet and it sickens me to know so many people fight and scream over the specifics of whether they think someone is playing right or unfairly. Im tired of the louisville wars - and im tired of the comparisons of certain things in this to slavery. Yes, diversity should be increased - but alienating and polarizing communities while doing so is absurd. it is reversible though to those people who say that people should be excluded to those who dont do their view of debate. Youre all stupid, trivial, and annoying. embrace what you have and change it happily, enjoy what youre doing and quit acting like this activity is a damn burden. if it is, leave or find a way to change it that doesnt destroy the enjoyment of all others. if it is not, then enjoy it. The second is sports - ive never been happier with something than sports, its a fun activity, its strenuous while relaxing. fulfilling while heartbreaking. and people who either a.) make fun of it because they dont like playing or because they think its stupid can have that opinion but DO NOT tell me about it, because i could care less, i do enjoy it and will continue to enjoy it whether or not you do or not, all you do is decrease that moment of enjoyment for me. for those involved, enjoy it, it sickens me to know that people like terrell owens cant get along with others while doing these activities, youre spoiled and stupid for not doing it. The point is that you should enjoy what you do that makes you happy, that is the essence of life. quit being dumb and fretting about small things that make you unhappy and focus on that which makes you happy, be happy with yourself, that is the center of self esteem and enjoyment. it is the constant worrying that destroys happiness and self esteem. i give the examples of sports and debate, insert your own, and focus on enjoying.
third insecurity is love - I have no clue how to explain this because as ive always said its not something that human language is set to describe - the only thing i can really say on this issue is that you shouldnt bypass opportunities to find that. "Love is the ultimate act of revolution, disavowing all cares in the world and shrugging off all responsibilities for a connection" (crimethinc in 2001) If you find it, take it, if you dont, dont worry enjoy life. But there are people you love and you should do everything in your power to make sure they no that. this isnt just a boyfriend or girlfriend, this is a familiy member, a roommate, a friend, a co worker. The point is to make sure they dont go without knowing you love them.
fourth insecurity - the value and meaning of life - this is hard. because it is certainly something described by the life itself, we live a physical life once and its up to us to evaluate that and make it worth living. I find it very unfortunate that our system of government and economy prohibits true freedom (which is a prerequisite to meaning) it destroys me that twice now capitalism has disrupted my freedom to see loved ones. first was last summer when i was in the same town as my great grandfather but didnt have the money to get a cab to get to him. earlier this week, my bank messed with my account and my mom couldnt help me with money to get home to see her in my great grandfathers passing. being forced to stay at my home when i want to go see loved ones because of money isnt freedom, its a form of imprisonment. capitalism holds us in shackles. steal your lives back by resisting it. its hard for people to develop a meaning and value to life when we arent free to do what life beckons. were just waiting to die, we arent living, we are the undead. I will still do what i enjoy to grasp a moment of jouissance before i truly die, and along the way i will resist and fight this oppressive system which has facilitated more harm in the lives of people i know than anything else. Do we want life to be valued on what we have? things? or how we spent life and enjoyed it? that is a personal choice - however some arent even given the choice because of oppressive systems which must be opposed. I embrace this as an insecurity but still hope to change it.
Im going home. i hope i discover more jouissance, love, and meaning to life. as i hope to you. but im tired of alot of this life - my aporia will hopefully allow the world to feel my truths. Ill do what i do. i do not know what im doing, do not know where im going, i have an idea, but not a set. i will discover that as i go. but i may not go. that is an embracement i must undertake to enjoy what i do while i have time to do it.
Andrew Michael-Don Casey
p.s. i understand that this is fairly thin. it will be that way till i return, i am not in one set moment of aporia, it is continual for this period in my life in which i will write more.
